i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
