i barfeds in our rink
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
