she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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