I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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