Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
