What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
