oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
