make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
