i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
