Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
