I'm lost and stupid without you.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
