drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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