Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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