if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
