I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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