if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
