Your dad touched me again.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
My pussy is not your playground.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
