I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
