Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
