Who wears a wallet chain?!
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
