I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
