So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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