At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
