i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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