More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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