dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
