sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
