it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
