Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
The chlamydia really affected his face.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Randomize
