I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
