ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
