Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Randomize
