every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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