Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
