I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
