So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
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