I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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