the new term for farting is butt boxing.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
