Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
