The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
