Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
