I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
