I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
