im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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