i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
