Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
