The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
