never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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