Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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