shes about as inviting as chlamydia
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
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