Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
