i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
