Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
