I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
